I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
