i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
