do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
