homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
