butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
