No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
