oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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