I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my poor anus
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
