So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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