I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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