ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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