I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
