But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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