Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
