i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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