um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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