remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
