Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
