Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
