Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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