Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
