Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
