Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're a waste of cheezeits
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
