he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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