i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
