I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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