So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
