all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
