i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
