Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
