1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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