she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
