I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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