I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
