Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just found out that she named her cat after me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
