mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
