i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
