I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
