we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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