What a fucking waste of an outfit
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
