had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
