Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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