Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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