i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
