It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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