So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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