is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
