It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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