My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
