from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
