Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
