how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my poor anus
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
