And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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