If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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